What I've Done

I awake to find Jace's arms wrapped around my waist, still dressed in the clothes he was in last night. I slip out of bed slowly and pull my hot pink robe over my shoulders. I make my way into the bathroom and take a shower. Not just any shower. One I needed to wash away what I've done. I let the water come down onto my hair, it was steaming hot yet it didn't hurt me. All the pain and suffering I'd went through in thesepast five months needed to leave my mind. Not just pain on the inside, but the outside too. The scars from my battle withCola Dalmons, the cuts I gave myself at the ferry boat disaster, the blood and cuts from crashing through the window when I saved Jinx... and all the crap I made myself think. The Force has a weird way of playing tricks on certain minds. Of coursecontrolling the weak minded. But, the Force can play tricks on a Jedi as well. They make things that would hurt a regularcreature wourse for you, even though Jedi are supposed to have strength. Death is almost a weakness to a Jedi Knight. Sure, you can move on... It just hurts whenever it happens... You can sense it. It'll go into you so fast. You'll be doing the most normal things, like washing dishes, or working on a speeder. It'll just hit you all of the sudden. Your mind can't drift away from the hurt. Ice will slowly cover your heart until it freezes you on the inside. I realize that the water is freezing cold now. I turn the shower head off as fast as I can and wrap a towel around my body up to my neck bone, the bone is red from the encounter with Dooku. I sit on the bathroom floor for twenty minutes and than Ifinally dress. I walk into the living room to find Jace sitting on the couch watching TV. I sit next to him. He turns the TV off and givesme a look. "You know we have to leave today." Jace tells me. My hazel eyes slowly drift down to the carpet. "Come on Tash say something." I don't budge. "It'll be fine. I'll be there, we can keep the baby safe, none of your loved ones will be in danger..." He continues. I finally turn my head to look at him. "I don't want to go." I whisper. Jace leans over and kisses my forehead. "It'll be okay." He assures. I get up from the couch to pack my things, Jace is right behind me. We finally have some time to giggle and look at our clothes. I had most of my T-Shirts at the apartment, there wasn't a single set of Jedi robes in sight. We walk into the closet. Jace pulls off a hanger and I gasp. It was the tux he wore at our wedding. I wrap it in my arms tosmell his callone, my perfume, the roses and the church itself. I feel a kick at my stomach causing me to drop the tuxido. "What? What, what is it?" Jace asks. "The baby just kicked me." I say. Jace gives me a crooked smile. "Are you sure you don't want to know if its a boy or a girl?" I nod my head to him. We're now standing at the bus stop holding hands preparing to leave. To be continued...